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Writing Samples
Band 4

In a graph, four countries , Japan, China, India, and US exports are benig compared to Australia exports in percentage from 1990 ro 2012, talk about the and explain the graph

In a graph, four countries , Japan, China, India, and US exports are benig compared to Australia exports in percentage from 1990 ro 2012, talk about the and explain the graph
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Every country has
varies
Replace the word
various
show examples
 ways to earn money, and
then
Linking Words
 use
this
Linking Words
 money to make even more money, one way is by exporting,
in other words
Linking Words
, selling goods or services to other countries.
However
Linking Words
, Today we are comparing
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
exports
Use synonyms
 to Japan,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, China and India, between 1990
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2012. The percentage of
Use synonyms
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
exports
Use synonyms
 to Japan rapidly decreased from 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 to 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 from 1990 to 1995
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
then
Linking Words
 kept
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 slowly
until2012
Correct your spelling
until 2012
.
While
Linking Words
 US
exports
Use synonyms
 quickly decreased from 12.5 to 8 in 1995 and
also
Linking Words
 quickly recovered in 2000, after that,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 went down slowly until 2010
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 just
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 a little bit. As for China
exports
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 in relation to
Australia
Use synonyms
exports
Use synonyms
, have not experienced any
decreasedment
Correct your spelling
decrease
 as the other three countries, it was slowly
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 at the beginning, and
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 had an extremely rapid
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
 from 2000 to 2012.
Finally
Linking Words
, the relationship between
India
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India's
show examples
exports
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Australia
Change preposition
to Australia
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was pretty constant from 1990 to 2000 and
then
Linking Words
 had a jump, from 2000 to 2010, and
then
Linking Words
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
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 from 2010 to 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, exports with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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