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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Currently, schools offer several add-ons for education subjects, especially the science of
food
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 and how to make it but,
this
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 action brings a little controversy about whether
this
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 is necessary or not.
This
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 essay will discuss it and prove why learning important subjects should be focussed more. On the one hand, some may argue that healthy cooking is important for
kids
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 because they should be prepared for an independent life. Since it requires some survival
skills
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 like preparing cooking,
this
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 subject becomes essential for them to learn it.
For example
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, college
kids
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 will be confused
to set
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about setting
show examples
 the materials for cooking nutritious
food
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 if they did not learn it in school.
Additionally
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, mastering the science of meals will give broader knowledge
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
kids
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 and prevent them from eating more junk
food
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 because it’s accessible and fast rather than nutritious
food
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.
On the other hand
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, a lot of teachers believe that cooking
skills
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it’s
Verb problem
are
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 not the main focus of the school. They trust that schools are responsible
to build
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for building
show examples
 the foundation of knowledge to establish the hard
skills
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 of the students.
Moreover
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, making
food
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 is a soft skill and should be taught in the home by parents since parents are usually responsible for setting
their
Change preposition
up their
show examples
 lunch box and dinner.
For instance
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, moms could make breakfast together and teach their
kids
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 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutritious ingredients.
This
Linking Words
 will familiarise them with preparing healthy
food
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 for themself. In conclusion, making healthy meals is important and should be taught to the children, but I think it can be done in the home, especially by their own parents.
Moreover
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, I think schools should focus on teaching important subjects like math and hard
skills
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 because those are more critical things to teach at the school. By combining those two we can create a healthier and smarter generation in the future.

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task response
Try to ensure that your introduction clearly outlines your position. You mentioned that you will prove why important subjects should be focused on more but did not explicitly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph. This will help guide the reader's understanding.
task response
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. For instance, how might learning to cook contribute to a healthy lifestyle in the long term?
coherence and cohesion
Avoid redundancy in sentence structure. In 'the science of meals will give broader knowledge for kids,' consider rephrasing to enhance clarity and reduce wordiness.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, you could summarize the key points discussed in the essay to reinforce your position. This will enhance the overall coherence of the argument.
task achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is mostly clear, with separate paragraphs discussing different points, which aids readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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