IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership in gyms and sport clubs, believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

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Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of the business partners give free entrance to their
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 in health
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 and
atheletic
Correct your spelling
athletic
 games believing that
this
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 could make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
workers
Change noun form
worker's
workers'
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 wellness better but few associates refuse to give
such
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 allowances.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
be discussing
Wrong verb form
discuss
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 both these
statement
Change the determiner
statements
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 with
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
 examples and explanations. Company owners and leaders try their maximum
in giving
Change preposition
to give
show examples
 their partners and labourers special allocations and discounts to get
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
loyality
Correct your spelling
loyalty
 and for
a
Remove the article
apply
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better performance in their job.
Furthermore
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, they
also
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 provide lower prize items, staff concessions and giving international tour options and
manymore
Correct your spelling
many more
. Recently, many have tried to enrich
overall
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caree
Correct your spelling
career
achievement by enhancing
man
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
 fitness and encouraging them in
atheletic lesiure
Correct your spelling
athletic leisure
 activities hoping to bring better
enforecement
Correct your spelling
enforcement
 in their occupation.
For instance
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, many IT communities had already
setted
Correct your spelling
set
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by
Change preposition
up
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 spa areas and aerobic studios inside their workplace to attract members to use it to get in
better
Add an article
a better
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 fit.
This
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 is because computer
realted
Correct your spelling
related
 works are often stressful and need to be
setted
Correct your spelling
set
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 for hours,
hence
Linking Words
 giving them access to these clubs will
overall
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 supplement in better conduct and administration of their work.
Moreover
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,
this
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 carrying out had indeed helped many people to concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
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 their well-being
while
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 working.
On the other hand
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, there are
entreprenuers
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 refusing to give
such
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 concessions to their people. Assuming that their team may refuse to use
due to
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 laziness or are very busy with their work schedule. To add on, businessmen may not take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
responsibiity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
groups
Change noun form
group's
groups'
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 physical and mental strength as they need them to concentrate more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
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 rather than body imaging.
For example
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, many
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 leaders refuse with the idea of encouraging staff health as they want them to focus more
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their duties and management than
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 personal potency.
To conclude
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, several dealer are supplying free entry to sports areas and
excersie
Correct your spelling
exercise
 to increase their
staffs
Change to a genitive case
staff's
staffs'
show examples
 health and general productivity
while
Linking Words
 others expect
this
Linking Words
 as
waste
Add an article
a waste
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 of investment. Since many
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
 may refuse or be lazy in investing time in fitness.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear outline but could be improved by explicitly mentioning both views in a more balanced manner.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main idea of that paragraph to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures to maintain the reader's interest and to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Your use of examples to support your points is commendable and shows your understanding of the topic.
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