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Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie charts below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first chart shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second chart shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts below show the result of a survey of children’s activities. The first chart shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second chart shows the activities in which the girls participate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The two pie
Use synonyms
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 information about the
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 of the survey
activities
Use synonyms
 of children.The first
chart
Use synonyms
 shows the
activities
Use synonyms
 which the boys participate in.The second
chart
Use synonyms
 shows the
activities
Use synonyms
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the girls participate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,The
chart
Use synonyms
 on the left shows that computer games
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 the largest sector.
while
Linking Words
 reading is the smallest sector.The
chart
Use synonyms
 on the right
illistrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
illustrates
 that dancing has the
bigest
Change the word
biggest
show examples
segment
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
,
listining
Correct your spelling
listening
 to music has the smallest
segment
Use synonyms
. Boys culture and leisure
activities
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 that basketball ,soccer and computer games take a big place in the
chart
Use synonyms
 with 26%,17% and 34%
rtespectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.
However
Linking Words
 listening to music , skateboarding and reading take
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 smallest
plase
Correct your spelling
place
please
 with 10%G,11% and 2% respectively. Girls
chart
Use synonyms
 shows that dancing,computer games and reading are the
largeest
Correct your spelling
largest
segment
Use synonyms
 with 27%,16%
and21
Correct your spelling
and 21
% respectively.
while
Linking Words
 , gymnastics,netball and
listining
Correct your spelling
listening
 to music are the smallest
segment
Use synonyms
 with 1%,10%
and15
Correct your spelling
and 15
%
recpectively
Correct your spelling
respectively
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, activities, segment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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