IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000.

The line graph below shows the population size, birth and death rate of England and Wales from 1700 to 2000.
The graph illustrates the change in the size of population, fertility
rate
Use synonyms
, and mortality
rate
Use synonyms
 in England and Wales between 1700 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, the population had been rising significantly since 1700, with a dip in 1800.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 experienced fluctuation, which had been increasing at the outset of 1700, followed by a decline for the next 200 years and a climb by the end of
20th
Correct article usage
the 20th
show examples
 century. As for the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
, it roughly followed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar pattern with the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
, only with
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 striking difference from 1950 to 2000.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the population size was around 2
million
Use synonyms
 in 1700, reaching 10
million
Use synonyms
 in the next 50 years. After going through a decrease of 6
million
Use synonyms
 people between 1750 and 1800, it had been increasing steadily with 50
million
Use synonyms
 individuals in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
 went with
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 trend, and the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 had always outweighed that of
death
Use synonyms
.In 1700, the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 began
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 30%, with the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
26%.
Then
Linking Words
, they rose at almost the same
rate
Use synonyms
 and they remained at the
rate
Use synonyms
 of 40 % and 38% or so individually from 1750 to 1800. A decline followed to
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 reached its lowest percentage of 22% and the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 was 20% at the moment.
While
Linking Words
 it was the time they had the smallest difference, the
birth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 increased steeping ever since
then
Linking Words
, reaching 34% in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
death
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 stayed
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same
rate
Use synonyms
 of 20% until the end of 2000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, birth, death, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: