IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Your sister has been in the hospital for a week. During this time, you have noticed the meals they are providing for her are very poor quality. Write an email to the hospital manager and include the following things: • Tell him/her what you have seen in the past week. • Complain about the food quality. • Offer a suggestion on how things could improve.

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Hello
Add the punctuation
Hello,
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 the hospital manager,
Last
Linking Words
 week, as my sister
has been
Wrong verb form
was
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 in the hospital,
I've
Unnecessary verb
I
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 noticed the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
Correct pronoun usage
my meal
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meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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.
Then
Linking Words
, I would like to talk about the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
food
Add an article
the food
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 which is very important
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 for patients. Unfortunately, I saw
uncooked
Correct article usage
an uncooked
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 meal.
For example
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 week the chicken and the potato on my sister's plate were rare which made me very sad and disappointed.
Then
Linking Words
, we asked the nurse to change the
food
Use synonyms
,
she
Correct word choice
and she
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 changed it but it was
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same problem as
a
Remove the article
apply
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another plate. I would like to offer you to improve the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
 by reducing your
varities
Correct your spelling
variety
.
For instance
Linking Words
, I've noticed that you have three different foods
like
Change preposition
apply
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meat, chicken, and vegetables. So,
instead
Linking Words
 of three different foods, you can have one
food
Use synonyms
 with good cooked and
quality
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, you can buy a good chicken and
also
Linking Words
chef
Correct article usage
the chef
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 has enough time to cook the
food
Use synonyms
 very well. In conclusion, I am not satisfied with the
food
Use synonyms
 and I hope my suggestion will work for you because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 my opinion, the
food
Use synonyms
 is very important. Best regards, Niyousha

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction could be more formal and clearly state the purpose of the email.
coherence cohesion
You should use clearer transitions between the points to improve the flow of the email.
task achievement
Ensure you provide more specific examples of the food quality issues beyond just one instance.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing sentences to avoid redundancy and improve clarity, such as using 'dishes' instead of repeating 'food'.
task achievement
Your email is polite and demonstrates concern for your sister's well-being, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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