The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. Percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009(Anelya1)

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. Percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009(Anelya1)
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. Percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009(Anelya1)
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The given diagram presents information about the proportion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
, who aged from 15 to 64 in
employment
Use synonyms
in some countries like Iceland, Canada, Germany, Chile and Turkey between 2003 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the rate of Iceland, Canada and Germany provided more
employment
Use synonyms
opportunities for female citizens
while
Linking Words
fewer ladies were hired to
job
Verb problem
work
show examples
in Chile and Turkey for the same time period. In 2003, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Iceland was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the highest level, but
then
Linking Words
by the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
it declined moderately.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Germany, in which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
was in the middle of
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
, rose gradually from 60% to 65% in 2005. What's more, Canada remained unchanged and marginally fluctuated.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Chile, which increased steadily from 35% to 40% over the given time record, illustrated the stability in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
between 2005 and 2009.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Turkey, which
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
decreased and
then
Linking Words
reached the same point, provided the lowest
employment
Use synonyms
opportunities for Turkish women over the given time period.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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