IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

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Several
students
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 believe learning different
subjects
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besides
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 their main course is useful
while
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 others think focusing only on their major is more important
than
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apply
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. Both views have advantages and disadvantages. I will discuss
about
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apply
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both perspectives before giving my opinion which will be useful for everyone.
To begin
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with
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with,
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 my ideas, learning extra
subjects
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 can help
students
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 develop a wide range of skills. It allows them to gain knowledge in different areas which can be useful in the future.
For example
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, a computer science student who studies marketing may have
better
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a better
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chances
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chance
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 of starting a business.
Also
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, studying multiple
subjects
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 can improve
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 and creativity. Many successful people have knowledge in different fields which helps them think in new ways.
On the other hand
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, focusing only on a main subject allows
students
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 to gain deep knowledge and become experts.
This
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 is especially important for fields that require a high level of skill,
such
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 as medicine or law. If
students
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 divide their time between too many
subjects
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, they might not perform well in their main studies.
For instance
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, a medical student who spends time learning music might struggle to understand complex medical concepts.
This
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 could affect their grades and future
career
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careers
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. In conclusion,
while
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 studying extra
subjects
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 can make
students
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 more creative and flexible,
along with
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 focusing on one subject is better for academic success. In my opinion, universities should allow
students
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 to choose optional
subjects
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 but not make them compulsory.
Thus
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,
students
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 can decide what works best for them.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more clearly structured. It would help to explicitly state your position or opinion in the introduction to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you provide a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed, reiterating your opinion more strongly.
task achievement
Some points could be elaborated further to fully support your argument. For instance, providing more detailed examples or statistics could enhance your points.
task achievement
There were a few minor grammatical and phrasing inaccuracies throughout the essay. Proofreading could help enhance clarity and overall coherence.
content
You present both sides of the argument well, indicating an understanding of the complexities of the topic.
content
Your examples help illustrate your points effectively, especially the comparison of a computer science student and a medical student.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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