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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

WRITING The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Grams per person per week Fish and meat consumption 300 250 200 50 150 大家 Chicken .com Beef 100 Lamb 50 Fish 0 1979 1984 1989 1994 1999 2004

WRITING The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Grams per person per week Fish and meat consumption 300 250 200 50 150 大家 Chicken .com Beef 100 Lamb 50 Fish 0 1979 1984 1989 1994 1999 2004
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The line graph provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information with data about fish and
meat
Use synonyms
 consumption by
Europen
Correct your spelling
European
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 people over a
period
Use synonyms
 of 25 years,from 1979 to 2004. The amount
are
Change the verb form
is
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measured in
grams
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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chicken was the highest popular
than
Change preposition
of
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 the other kinds of
meat
Use synonyms
 throughout the
period
Use synonyms
 shown.
To begin
Linking Words
 with a detailed analysis, the graph illustrates that there was a significant increase in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
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 of chicken
meat
Use synonyms
, which went up by
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
a further
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 100
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
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 per person per week between 1979 and 2004. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, beef and lamb
meat
Use synonyms
 had mild fluctuations trend ,
Linking Words
initially
Add a comma
initially,
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 the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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beef
meat
Use synonyms
 was almost 220 g per person per week in 1979 and
then
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
from
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 1984 to 1988
this
Linking Words
 figure
reaching
Change the form of the verb
reached
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 at 240 ,before dropping down to just over 100
grams
Use synonyms
 in
end
Add an article
the end
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 of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
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 .
Following
Wrong verb form
Followed
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 by lamb
meat
Use synonyms
 had
approximately
Add an article
an approximately
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 similar trend , which witnessed reduce from 150
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
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 to nearly 60
grams
Use synonyms
person
Change preposition
per person
show examples
 per week.
While
Linking Words
 consumption of fish
meat
Use synonyms
 declined steadily by 20
grams
Use synonyms
 during the
period
Use synonyms
 given.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words meat, period, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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