IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 modern era, the way people make
payments
Use synonyms
 has evolved
due to
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 the advancement of technology. With the growing popularity of credit cards and debit cards, mobile wallets and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 digital payment
systempayment
Correct your spelling
system payment
 system it is quite possible that in the near future currency will no longer accepted for shopping in many parts of the world.
While
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this
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 transformation will happen, but have to recognize other individuals who might not be happy with
this
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 change. On the one hand, the shift toward
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cashless
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
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 has many advantages. Digital
payments
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 are faster,
more
Correct word choice
and more
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 convenient and there is no need to carry physical money which can be lost or stolen.
Additionally
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, digital money is easily traceable which helps the government to budget and reduce the chance of tax and
also
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 helps to prevent illegal activity. Many countries
such
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 as India and Sweden are already moving toward a cashless society.
Also
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, in some parts of urban
area
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areas
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 shop owners place signs outside of the shops that say card only.
However
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, everyone does not welcome
this
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 shift. One major concern is accessibility. Elderly people,
for example
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, may struggle to adapt the new technologies and prefer the familiarity of
cash
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
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,
individual
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individuals
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, who live in rural or underdeveloped areas don't have a proper internet connection or smartphones which makes digital
payments
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 nearly impossible for them.
Cash
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also
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 gives them a sense of privacy which digital amount does not.
Also
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, many people fear that their transactions and
payments
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 are recorded or tracked.
Moreover
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,
cash
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 can be a security net during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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emergencies. In the event of system failure, power outage or cyberattack electronic payment system may be temporarily unavailable. In
this
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 situation,
cash
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become
Wrong verb form
becomes
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 a more reliable option. In conclusion,
while
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 it is likely that we will see a greater reliance on digital
amount
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amounts
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 in the future
but
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apply
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it is not practical or desirable for everyone to completely eliminate
cash
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. so, society needs to consider the needs of its all
citizen
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citizens
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 and no one is left behind in the process of modernization. The best approach for
this
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 is to have both payment methods accepted.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the clarity of your introduction by rephrasing the thesis statement for better flow. It could be beneficial to combine sentences for cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that provides a central idea for that paragraph. This will help in guiding the reader and improving the structure.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid redundancy in your points, such as repeating the term 'cashless transaction' excessively; vary your language to maintain interest.
task achievement
Make sure you elaborate more on your examples. For instance, you mention places that are moving to cashless, but providing specific statistics or outcomes would enhance clarity and engagement.
task achievement
When discussing negatives, be sure to provide balanced views and examples from real life to support your arguments further.
task achievement
Good identification of the advantages and disadvantages of a cashless society.
task achievement
Strong conclusion summarizing your main points and emphasizing the importance of both payment methods.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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