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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts give information about the average amount of time per day spent on two common leisure activities of different age groups in New Zealand.

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The charts below show how much average
time
Use synonyms
 each
day
Use synonyms
 spent on a pair of typical recreational activities enjoyed by different generations in New Zealand.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the average
minutes
Use synonyms
 spent on reading for pleasure is much more for the older groups.
In addition
Linking Words
, the average
minutes
Use synonyms
 spent on listening to
music
Use synonyms
 fluctuate between each
age
Use synonyms
group
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. In the reading for pleasure course, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 prefer reading for pleasure. The
age
Use synonyms
group
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 of over 55 spent the highest average
time
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 , reaching a peak of 70
minutes
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 per
day
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
people
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 from 15 to 24 years old only used the lowest amount of
time
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 , at 20
minutes
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 per
day
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.
However
Linking Words
 ,younger
people
Use synonyms
 in the
age
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group
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 15-24 devoted much
time
Use synonyms
 to listening to
music
Use synonyms
, 80
minutes
Use synonyms
 each
day
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.
People
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 over 55 are
also
Linking Words
 interested in
music
Use synonyms
, using around 75
minutes
Use synonyms
 per
day
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. The usual number of
minutes
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 spent reading as a hobby between the
age
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 groups of 25-34 and 45-54 is about 35
minutes
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 and 50
minutes
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 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, both the
age
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 groups spent much more
time
Use synonyms
 listening to
music
Use synonyms
 ,one hour each
day
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 for each
group
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. Interestingly, the
people
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 between the ages of 35 and 44 spent the same
time
Use synonyms
 on both hobbies, around 45
minutes
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 each.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, day, minutes, music, age, group, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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