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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts give information about the average amount of time per day spent on two common leisure activities of different age groups in New Zealand.

The charts below show how much average
time
Use synonyms
 each
day
Use synonyms
 spent on a pair of typical recreational activities enjoyed by different generations in New Zealand.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the average
minutes
Use synonyms
 spent on reading for pleasure is much more for the older groups.
In addition
Linking Words
, the average
minutes
Use synonyms
 spent on listening to
music
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 fluctuate between each
age
Use synonyms
group
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. In the reading for pleasure course, elderly
people
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 prefer reading for pleasure. The
age
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group
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 of over 55 spent the highest average
time
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 , reaching a peak of 70
minutes
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 per
day
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
people
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 from 15 to 24 years old only used the lowest amount of
time
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 , at 20
minutes
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 per
day
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.
However
Linking Words
 ,younger
people
Use synonyms
 in the
age
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group
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 15-24 devoted much
time
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 to listening to
music
Use synonyms
, 80
minutes
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 each
day
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.
People
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 over 55 are
also
Linking Words
 interested in
music
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, using around 75
minutes
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 per
day
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. The usual number of
minutes
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 spent reading as a hobby between the
age
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 groups of 25-34 and 45-54 is about 35
minutes
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 and 50
minutes
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 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, both the
age
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 groups spent much more
time
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 listening to
music
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 ,one hour each
day
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 for each
group
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. Interestingly, the
people
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 between the ages of 35 and 44 spent the same
time
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 on both hobbies, around 45
minutes
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 each.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, day, minutes, music, age, group, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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