IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Simon's Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The topic is subjective and often sparks a debate. Some people assert that
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fun activity and educational tool
whereas
Linking Words
 others contend that it puts
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on the players.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both the pros and cons of
this
Linking Words
 approach. There are some noticeable advantages of playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. First of all, it enhances the fine motor skills
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
hand-eye coordination and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 skills of a player.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are some
games
Use synonyms
 available through which kids can communicate with their friends or even with strangers. That can improve their social skills which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 particularly beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 people. It offers them a vast range of benefits
such
Linking Words
 as fostering
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
,
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
 or multitasking benefits. Despite the fact that there are pros of playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, its drawbacks cannot be ignored. First of all, it will have
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
 impact on their mental and physical health as they are playing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 all the time. They give very
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 time to do exercise or
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 peers in
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
show examples
. It is bad for their mental health as well because sometimes a child
addicted
Add a missing verb
is addicted
show examples
 too much to the game so they forget the real world. They start doing the same thing in real life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction could provide a clearer thesis statement outlining your opinion on whether the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. Additionally, consider summarizing your overall stance in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus, and consider using more cohesive devices to transition smoothly between ideas. This will help to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to include specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially when discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of video games. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
You have identified both pros and cons of video games, showing a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Your points about enhancing motor skills and social skills are relevant and appropriate in the context of the essay topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prolonged use
  • health issues
  • mental health
  • addiction
  • aggression
  • social withdrawal
  • cognitive functions
  • problem-solving skills
  • hand-eye coordination
  • multitasking abilities
  • social interaction
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • excessive gaming
  • time management
  • economic benefits
  • gaming industry
  • storytelling
  • cultural exchange
  • narratives
What to do next:
Look at other essays: