It is responsibility of governments to protect the health of children by combating obesity. The government should enact laws against sugery drinks and fastfood restaurants, among the measure. Do you agree or disagree with the statement.

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Eating
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
describe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's health.
Whereas
Linking Words
, some individuals believe that it is the responsibility of the armed
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
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who
inforce
Correct your spelling
enforce
taxes on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy aidable food and drinks so people consume less unhealthy
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
and make themselves fit. I firmly believe
this
Linking Words
would be helpful to the society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, childhood obesity has reached alarming levels in many countries. Unhealthy diets, especially those high in sugar and fat, are a major cause.

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task achievement
Ensure to clearly state your position in the introduction. This could help strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
There are some small inaccuracies in word choice and spelling (e.g., 'sugery' should be 'sugary', 'aidable' could be replaced with 'unhealthy'). Proofreading would help resolve these.
task achievement
Try to provide at least one or two specific examples to support your argument. This will enhance the quality of your points and demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
content
You have raised an important and relevant issue of childhood obesity which is a pressing concern.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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