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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the average years that individuals in different age groups (25-34), 3-44) can stay in one job in Europe and the USA between 1985 and 2005.

the chart below shows the average years that individuals in different age groups (25-34), 3-44) can stay in one job in Europe and the USA between 1985 and 2005.
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The graph provides information about the average
years
Use synonyms
 that individuals in different age groups (25-34, 35-44) in a
job
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 in 1985 and 2005 in terms of US 25-34,
Europe
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 25-34, US 35-44 and
Europe
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 35-44.
Overall
Linking Words
,
While
Linking Words
 in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 25-34 and 35-44
years
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 old gradually increased over the measured period.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in
Europe
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 25-34
years
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 old dropped a decline.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in
Europe
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 35-44
years
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 old
level-off
Correct your spelling
level off
show examples
. The average
years
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 that individuals
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 various
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 in a
job
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. US 35-44 and
Europe
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35-44years
Correct your spelling
35- 44 years
 old shows a much bigger figure with 10 and 6 compared to other categories in 1985. The figure for them declined and increased to 9 and 7 in 1995. Different ages in a
job
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 in
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 35-44 and
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Europe
Change preposition
in Europe
show examples
 35-44 increased to 11 and remained stable
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 6 in 2005. In
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 35-44
years
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 old in a
job
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 was the highest figure in 2005. The average
years
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 that individuals
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 several ages in one
job
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.
USA
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 and
Europe
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 25-34
years
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 old were smaller than other remaining categories with 3 in 1985. These declined to 2 in 1995.
USA
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 and
Europe
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 25- 34
years
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 old in a
job
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 experienced 4 and 2 in 2005.
Europe
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 25-34
years
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 old in a
job
Use synonyms
 was the lowest point in 2005.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, job, europe, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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