IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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 choose to work for only one
company
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 all their whole lives because it enables them to develop skills deeply.
However
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, some argue that hopping to several workplaces is better as it is not boring and gives new experiences.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe that workers should
change
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 their jobs. On the one hand, working for a single organization allows employees to improve their
expertises
Correct your spelling
expertise
show examples
 effectively. If individuals do
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 tasks for long periods, they will be more skillful. Being familiar with jobs and industries
also
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 enhances workers' knowledge significantly.
For example
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, a worker started working as an accountant, continued expanding his knowledge to cover financial aspects of the
company
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, and
finally
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 became the top leader of the organization in
finances
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the finances
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 department.
Due to
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 his experience in the
company
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, he stood out from other candidates and had more chances to be selected as a leader in his field.
However
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, staying in the same environment for long might be boring.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 think that job-hopping is acceptable and better in some situations if working in the same business is boring. Working for various companies can give a sense of being
new
Correct article usage
a new
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joiners
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joiner
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, offering workers a fresh mind. If
people
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 do routine tasks
everyday
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every day
show examples
, it will prevent them from experiencing new
opportunities
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.
As a result
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, some, who like trying new challenges, are more likely to be bored and find external
opportunities
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.
Furthermore
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, not only does changing
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company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 lead to
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 environment but it
also
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 gives
opportunities
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 to switch
career
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careers
show examples
. If individuals desire to
change
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 roles, it is easier to
change
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 by applying for new businesses. In conclusion,
although
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 critics say that working for one
company
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 allows them to develop skills intensively, I still believe that
people
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 should
change
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 their jobs in order to get new experiences. Proper job-hopping provides
people
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 with new experiences
as well as
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opportunities
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 to
change
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 careers.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, when discussing job-hopping, you might mention specific skills that can be gained or different industries that can provide varied experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow smoothly into one another. You might improve transitions between points to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the main arguments that will be discussed, making it easy for the reader to follow your thoughts.
Task Achievement
You effectively acknowledged both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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