IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem? Beka2

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 of all ages, get into debt by buying useless things. Because they do not have
money
Use synonyms
 acknowledgement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and don’t know how
spend
Add the particle
to spend
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 wisely. I believe in the school curriculum we need to add a lesson about
money
Use synonyms
 education for little
children
Use synonyms
. It is conspicuous that
people
Use synonyms
 tend to buy a lot, more than they really need. It is because
people
Use synonyms
 don’t know how to spend
money
Use synonyms
 wisely. In our time a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 have problems with financial acknowledgement and waste a whole of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on useless things. The parents can be
unexample
Correct your spelling
an example
unexampled
 for
this
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because parents do not pay attention to the financial
literacy
Use synonyms
 of their
children
Use synonyms
 .
Children
Use synonyms
, after they start earning
money
Use synonyms
 themselves, without knowing about financial
literacy
Use synonyms
, spend it anywhere but not on things they need. There are viable solutions that may solve the aforementioned problem . Introducing financial
literacy
Use synonyms
 lessons of financial
literacy
Use synonyms
 and employing teachers who teach
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 can prevent that issue.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 will learn financial acknowledgement and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not burden their parents by asking a great deal of cash .
This
Linking Words
 will help avoid poverty in the future and irrational spending of
money
Use synonyms
. Thanks to that teaching method, the poverty level will decrease and many offices for illegal debt collection will close down. In conclusion, purchasing a new thing without benefits must be taken as a serious problem.The primary factors are following what the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 do and lack of financial management which in turn leads to debts and bankruptcy. I consider that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
budgeting education has to be the
must learn
Add a hyphen
must-learn
show examples
 subject by the all young generation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples and clearer explanations to support your arguments. Try to elaborate on why financial literacy is important and how exactly it can help individuals manage their money better.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use connecting words or phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your ideas. For instance, use transition words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' to strengthen connections between points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your introduction gives a clear overview of the main points you will discuss in the essay. A more structured introduction can help set the stage for your arguments.
task achievement
You have identified a critical issue regarding financial literacy and its impact on debt, which is relevant and significant.
task achievement
The suggestion of introducing financial literacy lessons is practical and shows a thoughtful approach towards addressing the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: