In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, some countries have motivated their industries and businesses located in
city
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cities
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to relocate to regional
areas
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. I believe that the advantages of
this
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strategy outweigh its disadvantages as it not only
allow
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allows
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corporations to have sufficient space to grow but
also
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stimulate
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stimulates
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the country’s
overall
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economy
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. On the one hand, critics contend that the expansion of commercial and industrial
areas
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may pose negative threats to
natural
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the natural
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environment in
countryside
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the countryside
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. Typically, the development of industries
involve
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involves
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in intense exploitation of lands, leading
air
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to air
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pollution and water contamination that damage
animals
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animals'
animal's
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habitats.
For example
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, the developing programs of golf courses in Taiwan’s mountain
areas
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directly and indirectly influence the habitats of Taiwanese
spacial
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special
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species
such
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as Formosan black bears and Formosan rock monkeys, which lead them to be endangered.
However
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, the national
economy
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should be prioritized and I believe that with appropriate management, the damages can be diminished.
On the other hand
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, the expansion of commercial and industrial
areas
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may contribute to the
overall
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economy
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economic
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growth. To be specific, once large-scale
componies
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companies
or plants move to relatively spare
areas
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, they will obtain
necessary
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the necessary
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space to construct more manufacturing lines or business offices, which may enhance the
componies’
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companies’
overall
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productivity. Eventually,
this
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strategy not only boosts the local
economy
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by offering more job opportunities
,
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apply
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but
also
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contributes to the national
economy
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since every corporation can develop fully. In conclusion, I believe that the
benifit
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benefit
benefits
of the relocation of industries and businesses outnumber its drawbacks, as it leads to a strong financial foundation
of
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for
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the country and
stimulate
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stimulates
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the development of private organizations in the long run.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and addresses the topic well. However, you could strengthen your response by providing more specific examples and clarifying your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of your ideas is good, but varying your sentence structure and using more cohesive devices could improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
grammar and vocabulary
There are a few spelling mistakes (e.g., 'benifit' should be 'benefit', and 'componies' should be 'companies'). Proofreading your work can help reduce these errors.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a strong approach to framing your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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