IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people say we should invest more in space industry while others say we should spend that money on other purposes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some argue that spending public funds on
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 is a poor use of resources,
while
Linking Words
 others claim it plays a vital role in advancing humanity.
While
Linking Words
space
Use synonyms
 travel has significant costs, I believe its benefits to human development outweigh the financial concerns. I
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 explore in
this
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
 my point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 is seen as a wasteful use of government funds
in addition
Linking Words
 , most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 unsuccessful
for example
Linking Words
 if the
people
Add a verb
people are
people were
show examples
 able to living out of Earth .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , High costs could
instead
Linking Words
 be allocated to pressing issues like healthcare, education, or poverty alleviation. Because some countries have reduced their healthcare
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, some people have obesity . On the one hand, Many
space
Use synonyms
 missions yield uncertain returns and may not directly benefit everyday citizens.so many citizens
uncertain
Add a missing verb
are uncertain
show examples
 if
this
Linking Words
 investment will be successful or not .
Linking Words
ON
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand,
Space
Use synonyms
 travel is essential for the progress of humanity.Advances in
space
Use synonyms
 technology have led to innovations that impact other fields,
such
Linking Words
 as satellite communications and medical equipment.
furthermore
Linking Words
,
Space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 addresses the need for new resources and alternative habitats in case of future challenges on Earth.so I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Space
Use synonyms
Exploration
Use synonyms
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 useful for the future
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
development
humanity
Change preposition
of humanity
show examples
While
Linking Words
 some view
space
Use synonyms
 travel as a misallocation of funds, it fosters innovation and preparedness for the future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe investment in
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for humanity’s long-term development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear argument, but the main points could be better supported with examples and more thorough explanations.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically by using linking phrases and improving the overall structure of your paragraphs for clearer transitions.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'i wil' should be 'I will', 'eassy' should be 'essay'). Proofreading will help improve clarity.
task achievement
You clearly express your opinion on the topic, which shows your engagement with the question.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by addressing both sides of the argument, which is a strong point in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • space industry
  • technological advancements
  • exploration
  • international collaboration
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • global challenges
  • satellite technology
  • pressing issues
  • prioritize
  • funding
  • research and development
  • humanitarian efforts
  • resources allocation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: