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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries. The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries. The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012
The Line
Graph
Use synonyms
 Shows the Australian
Exports
Use synonyms
 For 4 Countries, The Key Information Of
this
Linking Words
Graph
Use synonyms
Are Presented
Correct your spelling
is presented
show examples
 In Percentage,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Period Of The Data
Are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Between 1990 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Du To
Correct your spelling
according to
show examples
 the Presented Data ,There Are 4 Countries Who Has
Receving
Correct your spelling
received exports
Exports
Use synonyms
 From Australia, Which Are Japan,
Correct article usage
the Us
show examples
Us
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
, China ,
India
Correct word choice
and India
show examples
,
However
Linking Words
 There Are Some Of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries , That Received More Than Others As The
Graph
Use synonyms
 Shows.
According To
Linking Words
 What
Shown
Add a missing verb
is Shown
show examples
, It's Clear From The Line
Graph
Use synonyms
 That
, Most
Correct your spelling
the most
Country
Use synonyms
Has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
Received
Recived
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Exports
Use synonyms
 From Australia
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 China
Also
Linking Words
 Shoes Increase By Nearly 30% From 1990 To 2012, The Second
Country
Use synonyms
 Is Japan But Shows A Little Decrease ,
Linking Words
However
Add the comma(s)
However,
show examples
It's
Correct your spelling
It is
show examples
 Still The Second
Country
Use synonyms
, The Third One Is Us, But We Notice That In
Pertecular
Correct your spelling
Particular
 Year
That Is
Linking Words
 2010 India Has Overcome Their Percentage After That
India
Change noun form
India's
show examples
 Decline
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
, Of
Exports
Use synonyms
 Domince, The Most
Country
Use synonyms
 That Received
Exports
Use synonyms
 From The Australian Is Japan.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, exports, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Line graph
  • Percentage
  • Exports
  • Trend analysis
  • Upward/downward trend
  • Fluctuation
  • Comparison
  • Peak performance
  • Decline
  • Stability
  • Significant
  • Inferred
  • Global events
  • Economic context
  • Reflect
  • Influence
  • Patterns
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