IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, say what you have learned in your present job suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department explain why you do not wish to leave the company You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear .......................,

Dear Mr.Smith, I am writing
this
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 letter in order to inform you regarding my preference to move to another department .I have been working here since 2014, which helped me develop my personality and improve my decision-making power. Basically, I did my study in the technical field. Presently, I am working at a place where I mostly deal with facts and logic.Fortunately , When
i
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I
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 got to know about hiring in another department which is almost technical stuff, I decided to apply for that position. During my internship at college, I worked as a 'Repair Technician'.
This
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job
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 matches almost the same
job
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 duties
with
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in
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this
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 new position. It does not solely benefit me but the company will get someone with prior experience
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 company gave me so many opportunities to grow. I started my
job
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 in a very low position with a basic pay rate. Currently, I am holding a good level in the organization.I believe that continuing my
job
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 in
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 company will make my future brighter. I am waiting to hear positive from your side. Yours sincerely, Ramandeep

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples of what you've learned in your current job and how those skills apply to the new position. This adds depth to your response.
task achievement
A more formal tone would be beneficial in a letter to your manager. Phrases like 'I am writing to inform you...' may increase the professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
You clearly express your desire to grow within the company and provide a rationale for your move, which shows your commitment to the organization.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the context for your letter, and the closing is polite, which is appropriate for a formal letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career development
  • transferable skills
  • interdepartmental collaboration
  • professional growth
  • enhance productivity
  • innovative solutions
  • company objectives
  • employee retention
  • initiative
  • corporate culture
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