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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Assel 2

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Assel 2
The three pie charts illustrate the mean proportions of sodium, saturated fat, and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in meals, which are unhealthy ingredients, consumed in the United States of America. It can be clearly seen that the sodium and saturated fat consumption accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 highest proportion for dinner,
while
Linking Words
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 contributed by far the highest proportion of ingredients for
snacks
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, breakfast has the smallest
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
 of those three nutrients. Dinner had the highest salt and saturated fat, approximately 43% and 37%. Followed by lunch, which was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the second position of those two ingredients with 29% for salt consumption and 26% for saturated fat.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 consumption contributed only 23% for dinner and 19% for lunch.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
snacks
Use synonyms
 was mainly
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
, which regarded as the biggest ratio of almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half (approximately 42%) in American daily
snacks
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 sodium
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 only
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
ingredient
Change preposition
of ingredient
show examples
 found in
snacks
Use synonyms
 compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
. Breakfast,
in addition
Linking Words
, has always remained the smallest proportion among all with only a bit more than
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 of the ratio.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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