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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the minimum numbers of public holidays that companies are required to give their full-time workers in six countries in 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the minimum numbers of public holidays that companies are required to give their full-time workers in six countries in 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
table chart depicts the number of public
holidays
Use synonyms
 that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 given by
companied
Correct your spelling
companies
show examples
 for full-time
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in six different
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 in 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, The company in
Finland
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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paid
holidays
Use synonyms
 for
employee's
Change noun form
employees
show examples
 the highest among 6 different countries
while
Linking Words
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
paid
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
categories
Fix the agreement mistake
category
show examples
. To start off, the most number of vacation was paid by
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 found in
Finland
Use synonyms
 and Sweden, at 25
days
Use synonyms
. Followed by Australia at 20
days
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Japan and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
only paid 10
days
Use synonyms
 and the lowest just only 5
days
Use synonyms
 was China. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result,
Finland
Use synonyms
 had a total paid
Use synonyms
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
36
Change preposition
of 36
show examples
days
Use synonyms
. Though Less dramatic,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 total number of
entirely
Change the word
entire
show examples
holidays
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia and Sweden. The former accounts for 30
days
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the latter amounts
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 25
days
Use synonyms
. Followed by three different countries paid had just below 20
days
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, for
public
Add an article
a public
the public
show examples
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
show examples
, the company in 4 countries; Australia, China,
Finland
Use synonyms
, USA paid
Correct article usage
the indentical
show examples
indentical
Correct your spelling
identical
 same approximately 10
days
Use synonyms
 per year.
While
Linking Words
 Sweden and Japan would permit
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
paid public
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words holidays, finland, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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