IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the change in the percentage of maket share represented by the three forms

The line graph shows the cost for watching films. The pie charts show the change in the percentage of maket share represented by the three forms
The line graph provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 spend to watch movies from 2005 until 2011,
while
Linking Words
 the two pie charts illustrate the
change
Use synonyms
 in
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of market share in three forms.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most
money
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 spent to watch movies in the
6 years
Correct your spelling
6-year
 period of time was to buy cinema tickets. And the least
money
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 spent was to afford legal
download
Fix the agreement mistake
downloads
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there was a noticeable
change
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
 who
watch
Wrong verb form
watched
show examples
 online movies from 2005 to 2011. Based on the provided graph, in the
six year
Add a hyphen
six-year
show examples
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 there was an upward trend with
people
Use synonyms
 spending their
money
Use synonyms
 to buy cinema tickets. The line
reach
Change the verb form
reaches
show examples
 the peak at 14 dollars.
Then
Linking Words
 followed by the cost of
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
, there was a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 trend.
Lastly
Linking Words
 followed by legal download.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the pie charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 there is a
change
Use synonyms
 in 6 years in
people
Use synonyms
 who went to the cinema from 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who rent
DVD
Fix the agreement mistake
DVDs
show examples
 went from 64% to 56%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who watched
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 online
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 a significant
change
Use synonyms
 from 6% to 26%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, people, change with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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