IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think studenti should study the science of food and how to prepare it.Others thinks students should spend time on important subjects .Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is believed that
students
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 ought to learn about
food
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 science and
food
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 preparation, but some people think that they should learn about other important
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as
economy
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 or
sociology
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.
While
Linking Words
 I can understand both sides, I think that the other topics are more useful for the student's future.
Food
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 is the source of energy for humans, and it can have different shapes and forms. And to have a
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
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food
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 consumption is crucial to lengthen our lifespan.
Food
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 science is a
study
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on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how the materials are needed in the body and how
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can impact our health.
While
Linking Words
food
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 preparation is a
study
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on
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of
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 how to make something into a good meal. Both of these
subjects
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 are very specific and are beneficial for some people who
wants
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want
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 to have a career as a
food
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 scientist or a chef, but not necessarily everyone should
study
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 it.
On the other hand
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, there are more important
subjects
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 which
more
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are more
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 beneficial to help
students
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 in developing
lifeskills
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life skills
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economics
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 and
sociology
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. We live in a world where money is a universal method of transaction. The
study
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 of money management or
economy
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 can help the
students
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understanding
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understand
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 how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money works and
to
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apply
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prepare them for
real world
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real-world
show examples
 situations after graduating from school. Meanwhile, the
study
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 of
sociology
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 is helping
students
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 to learn about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human interactions and to develop some interpersonal skills which are useful in
the
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apply
show examples
work or even society. In conclusion, the
study
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 of
food
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 and cookery
are
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is
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 useful for
students
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 who are interested in pursuing
career
Add an article
a career
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 as a
food
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 scientist or a chef.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
Economy
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economy
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 and
sociology
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 are some social
science's
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science
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subjects
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 which more beneficial to prepare them
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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life after school and
reflecting
Wrong verb form
reflect
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real world
Add a hyphen
real-world
show examples
 situations. Personally, I believe social skills are better than practical skills as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
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accepting
Wrong verb form
accept
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real-life
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 before they
are going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of both sides, but it could be strengthened by more explicitly stating the main point you will support in your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to clearly separate the points in each paragraph and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, try to reiterate your main points more strongly and summarize why they are important in relation to your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic from different perspectives.
task achievement
You provide relevant points regarding both food science and other important subjects, which contributes to a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
Your use of examples such as economy and sociology effectively illustrates the significance of these subjects in real-life situations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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