IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are two line chart diagrams to display two trends which are the percentage of using electrical devices in households and the number of hours of domestic work each week.

There are two line chart diagrams to display two trends which are the percentage of using electrical devices in households and the number of hours of domestic work each week.
The line charts illustrate the use of three electrical devices, washing
machines
Use synonyms
,
refrigerators
Use synonyms
, and
vacum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaners, and the number of hours spent on household work per week from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it's clear that the
refrigerators
Use synonyms
 and vacuum cleaners usage on household work steadily increased over the
99 years
Correct your spelling
99-year
 period,
while
Linking Words
 washing
machines
Use synonyms
 fluctuated during the specified time. In the period between 1920 and 1960,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elecrical
Correct your spelling
electrical
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
 usage saw a similar uptrend.
Refrigerators
Use synonyms
 were the least commonly used device in 1920, only accounted about 5% of the
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
 usage.
Then
Linking Words
, there was a significant rise
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 85% to 90% from 1920 to 1960,
this
Linking Words
 number surpassed the washing
machines
Use synonyms
 that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most popular appliance
that
Change preposition
at that
show examples
 time.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Washing
machines
Use synonyms
 stood at 40% in 1920 and only went up slightly by 30% over the next 40 years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, vacuum cleaners continued their gradual growth until the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000, from 30% back in 1920 to 05% in 2000.
This
Linking Words
 number plateaued until the end of the period of 2019.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
refrigerators
Use synonyms
 reached their peak of 90%
in1980
Correct your spelling
in 1980
 and levelled
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 until 2019.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the use of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
vary
Wrong verb form
varied
show examples
,
fell
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
 by 5% in 1980,
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 gradually to 75% in
in
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
2019.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words machines, refrigerators with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: