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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that sleeping is the only method which allows people to get enough relaxation. Others believe that physical activities such as playing games and exercises also provide enough relaxation. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.

Many people think that sleep is the only solution for a lot of us to get enough rest
while
Linking Words
 others believe that doing physical
activities
Use synonyms
 offers similar relief.
While
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 physically engaging
activities
Use synonyms
 like playing games and exercising can elevate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conciousness
Correct your spelling
consciousness
, I believe that a
night
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 of sound slumber is the sole remedy to exhaustion. Analysing the kind of relaxation that both
activities
Use synonyms
 provide will prove
this
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. For many, it is understandable that doing physically stimulating
activities
Use synonyms
 can be revigorating and offer enough sense of relaxation to get through their
day
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.
For instance
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, after a tired
day
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 of working, getting up and doing stretches or walking around for a little bit will get blood to circulate,
thus
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 leaving the tired individual feeling refreshed enough to continue with their tasks.
Similarly
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, taking a break to play some games can
also
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 have the same effect of feeling a bit more relaxed. As
such
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, it is understandable why for some,
this
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 is enough to relax them before going out and about more challenging jobs they have to do before the
day
Use synonyms
 is over.
However
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, some people suffer a
burnt
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burnout
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out
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apply
show examples
to the point that it is almost impossible for them to participate in any more
activities
Use synonyms
 that require movement, be it a simple game or light exercise. Many doctors and nurses working in the healthcare system are perfect examples of
this
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 as they work
in
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apply
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day
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 shifts or even
night
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 shifts in a fast-paced environment and are mostly on their feet which
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 a toll on their well-being.
This
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 is not a rare
occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 for overworked individuals like them and taking a power nap in the middle of their
day
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 is the only way for them to recuperate and recharge
hence
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 why hospitals provide rooms with beds for
this
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 purpose. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, it is not enough to distract a person with temporary relief from how tired they are but to actually get a sound
night
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's slumber.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 getting a full
night
Use synonyms
's rest is the sole option to really help an exhausted individual feel recharged and revitalised. After an analysis
on
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of
show examples
this
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 topic, it is predicted that more and more people will start to prioritise sleep.

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task achievement
Ensure that all points made are fully explored and explained, which will strengthen the overall argument. Some points were introduced but lacked depth.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using clearer transition words or phrases between points. This will aid in guiding the reader through the essay more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Occasionally check for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, as they can slightly distract the reader from your overall message.
task achievement
A clear stance is taken in the introduction, establishing the writer's opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Examples were used to support points made, which strengthens the argument presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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