IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is better to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vacation. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate regarding whether there are lots of short holidays throughout the year or whether it is advantageous to have vacations which are
fewer
Correct word choice
shorter
show examples
 and longer.
This
Linking Words
 essay will seek to demonstrate that immediate relaxation and refunding money quickly, despite those who believe that the longer holidays will be more beneficial. It must be recognized that
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
 without waiting is a reason why the short retreats are going to be better. To be more specific, after working for many days constantly,
people
Use synonyms
's health will exacerbate and
this
Linking Words
 leads to
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stress for a long
time
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 hiatus will help their constitution
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 comfortable and full of energy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, after enjoying
time
Use synonyms
 off,
people
Use synonyms
 are comfy and completely
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on their work.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 respite is often the best way to improve
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 work-life balance.
However
Linking Words
, a section of society believes that travelling to many destinations is a factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 occasional and lengthy
getaway
Fix the agreement mistake
getaways
show examples
 is advantageous.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that individual's hobby in
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 different so every family usually choose some tourist attractions for relaxing.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the gap between destinations is really
lagre
Correct your spelling
large
 so it can take more
time
Use synonyms
 to move.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can reduce stress quickly and enjoy
this
Linking Words
 vacation perfectly without worrying about
workload
Correct article usage
the workload
show examples
waiting
Add the preposition
waiting for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to do. From
this
Linking Words
 writer's experience, the income will not decline significantly despite having
break
Add an article
a break
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 noted that
people
Use synonyms
's energy is full to ready for the work. If working diligently day by day, the money used will return in the shortest
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, during the getaway, spending a lot of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 entertainment will make
people
Use synonyms
 have more energy and
this
Linking Words
 leads to working efficiently. In countries like Australia, where there are so many holidays, the residents are always in the most comfortable state so it is one of
leading
Correct article usage
the leading
show examples
 economic
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. In conclusion, instant serenity and swift repayment are essential points that need to be considered.
Hence
Linking Words
, it should have been shown that the government should allow
people
Use synonyms
 to take more vacations.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph has a main idea that is fully developed.
task achievement
Be more precise and concise in your language to enhance clarity. For example, terms like 'immediate relaxation' and 'refund money quickly' could be phrased more effectively.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more relevant examples to support your points. This would strengthen your argument and make your ideas more convincing.
task achievement
The essay discusses both points of view regarding short and long holidays effectively, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both options.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the question, which is important for clarity and coherence of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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