IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some countries make it compulsory for young men to join the military after they finish school. There is a debate about whether all countries should follow
this
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 system for both men and possibly women. I believe that compulsory military
service
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 can be a good idea for several reasons. First of all, military
service
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 helps young
people
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 learn discipline and to be responsible. It teaches them to be on time, follow rules, and work with others. These are important life skills that can help in school, work, and just everyday life. Second of all, young
people
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 can learn how to respect each other and work together as a team. That way they will bring more peace and unity
in
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to
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 their country.
Thirdly
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, training and experience in military
service
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 can be useful to
the
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apply
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young
people
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 in the future. They are able to learn skills like leadership,
problem
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and problem
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 solving, and they will be in
a
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apply
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better physical shape. Even if they don't stay in the military, these skills are transferable to many jobs. But not everybody likes
this
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 idea. There are those who think that it is unfair to require someone to serve in the military. They
maybe
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may
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 want to go to college or start a business. Others may not be physically or mentally ready to go to military training. To solve
this
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, countries can offer different kinds of national
service
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. The youth can serve in hospitals, schools, or streets. That way, everyone can serve their country in the best way for them. In conclusion, I agree with the idea of national
service
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 for all young
people
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. It makes them mature, helps the country, and can create a united and strong society.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to back up your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which sets the stage for your essay.
task achievement
You offer a variety of points in support of military service, showing good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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