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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 changes
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of society were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 living in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 from 1995 to 2010.
overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that most
people
Use synonyms
 who
living
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in the cities from 1995 to 2010 still high. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contrast,
people
Use synonyms
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 in towns and rural areas have been decreased between 1995 and 2010. In terms of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 just under 50 %
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 in 1995 which was around 60 per cent. Despite
this
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 who were born in town around 20 % had been fell from
people
Use synonyms
 who born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 around 10. Comparison of Rural areas have growth over 20 to 40 in 1995. In 2010, bar charts show there was not
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 born
Use synonyms
Australia
Change preposition
in Australia
show examples
 just under 20.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 in towns and rural areas
have been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
 10 % that
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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