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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph
povides
Correct your spelling
provides
 information about global
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in
20th
Change the article
the 20th
show examples
 century by three main sectors (agriculture, industrial
use
Use synonyms
 and domestic
use
Use synonyms
).
As well as
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the table shows
water
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consumption
Use synonyms
 in
Brazil
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 and
Congo
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and
water
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consumption
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 per capita.
Overal
Correct your spelling
Overall
show examples
,
according to
Linking Words
 the graph, global
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant upward trend in all three sectors from 1900 to 2000.
In addition
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the provided information in the table,
Brazil
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 had
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
 more
water
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consumption
Use synonyms
 than
Congo
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 in 2000. In accordance
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the graph, global
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 in agriculture, with approximately 80% proportion of total
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
, recorded a dramatic
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
, peaking at 3000 in 2000.
Also
Linking Words
,
industerial
Correct your spelling
industrial
 and domestic
use
Use synonyms
 showed a minor proportion in 1900, though, they increased and recorded around 1000 and 400 respectively.
According to
Linking Words
 the table,
water
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consumption
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 in
Brazil
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 was around 35 times more than
water
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consumption
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 in
Congo
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, recording 176 million and 5.2 million respectively in 2000.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
water
Use synonyms
consuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 per capita was 359 with 26500 irrigated land in
Brazil
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,
while
Linking Words
 it was 8 with 100 irrigated land in
Congo
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, in addition".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, use, consumption, brazil, congo with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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