IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

Nowadays, people argue whether or not companies providing
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
Use synonyms
 to their employees is beneficial or not.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives. On one hand, those who support the importance of
gym
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memberships
Use synonyms
 provided by employers argue that
memberships
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 are costly.
Furthermore
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, they claim it will enhance their
preforemance
Correct your spelling
performance
 and
overall
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 health.
For example
Linking Words
, sports clubs have been known to be the most social places and in that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 employees can
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 new connections.
On the other hand
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, proponents of the old way of working out claim that any club or membership is not useful because they prefer to run outside. They prefer to use that kind of support
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other areas
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their lives. A good illustration of
that is
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 to have rent support rather than
gym
Use synonyms
 membership. In conclusion, both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 offer valid points.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that offering
gym
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memberships
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 and
sport club
Fix the agreement mistake
sports clubs
show examples
 is beneficial.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
task achievement
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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