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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The graphs above illustrate two kinds of information, where the line graph shows the
figure
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 of borrowed
books
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 from four sub-urban libraries,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart exposes the
number
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 of book types that were borrowed (in percentage) during
June
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 -
September
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 2014.
Overall
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, fiction was the most
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 type of book to borrow, up to 40%.
Also
Linking Words
, during that four-month period, there was
rising
Correct article usage
a rising
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trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
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 of people borrowing
books
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 from West Eaton and Church Mount libraries. In
June
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 2014, the highest
number
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 of
books
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 borrowed was from Red Tulip
library
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 with
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 up to 300.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 in
September
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 2014, most
books
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 were borrowed from Sutton Wood
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library
Capitalize word
Library
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. The
number
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 of
books
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 borrowed from West Eaton has doubled from 50 in
June
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 2014 to 150 in
September
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 2014.
Similarly
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, the Church Mount
library
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 borrowed as many as 50
books
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 in
June
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 2014 and slightly rose to 150
books
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 in August 2014,
then
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 the
figure
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 remained constant until
September
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 2014.
However
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, different trends were
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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 by The Red Tulip
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library
Capitalize word
Library
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has sharply declined to more than 100 and The Sutton Wood
library
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 with highly fluctuating trend of borrowed
books
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 in that quarter. By the type of book,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fiction has become the
top notch
Add a hyphen
top-notch
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 to borrow (40%), the
figure
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then
Linking Words
 followed by biography, science, and history, with 19%, 15%, and 14% respectively. The least favorite type of
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books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
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 was self-trip, with
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figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 less than 15%.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words figure, books, number, june, september, library with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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