IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially other people like film actors or company bosses who are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of their work. How far do you agree? What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people’s aspects assume that several
laborers
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labourers
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 who work for the government
such
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 as nurses, doctors and
teachers
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 should be paid more because their
sacrifition
Correct your spelling
sacrificing
sacrificial
 is undervalued,
while
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 other workers like business owners or actors are paid huge sums of money that are out of percentages compared with the importance of their job. In my perspective, I do not agree with
this
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 viewpoint, beyond that, the essay will explain and give some solutions to regenerate which are misunderstood.
To begin
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 with, I propose that careers like doctors,
Use synonyms
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
show examples
 were undervalued in the past and
this
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 issue just appeared in some countries, not worldwide. Nowadays, when the planet is becoming a comprehensive development, the consciousness is
also
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 enhanced to recognize
importance
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the importance
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in
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of
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 jobs which is vital for individuals.
Therefore
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, these
laborers
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labourers
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as well as
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 doctors,
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teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
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,... received better income, even
though
Correct your spelling
through
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 insurance, or long-term policies.
For example
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, countries in Asia
are having
Wrong verb form
have
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 education innovations that are sponsored by the government, they reduce
taxing
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taxes
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 on families and raise wages for total
teachers
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,
tutors
Correct word choice
and tutors
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,
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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On the other hand
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, I believe that people with misunderstandings in careers like film actors or business owners are paid more than what they sacrifice. People usually see their successful news on social media with a giant income
everyday
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every day
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. In reality, those numbers are the revenue, not their profit.
In contrast
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, after miner taxes, facilities, and many unnamed fees, their income is just around 25-30%
in
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of
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 total revenue.
For instance
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,
a
Correct word choice
if a
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singer establishes her Music Video and the revenue after a year is 100%, she has to pay for actors, editors, creators,
advertiser
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advertisers
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, and many
things
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other things
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uncount
Correct your spelling
uncounted
 by previous investment, which means
this
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 process has potential risks if the singer makes any small mistakes.
Nevertheless
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, I think the criteria to evaluate a job which is worth these salaries or not rely on the value of the worker. The more value generated to society, the more worthy they received. We should recognize that value affects the spirit and physical health equally.
To sum up
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, every career should be respected because
of
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apply
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laborers’
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labourers’
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sacrifice
Fix the agreement mistake
sacrifices
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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the clarity of your arguments. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use simpler and clearer sentences to make your ideas easier to follow.
Task Achievement
You addressed the topic and presented your viewpoint clearly.
Task Achievement
You made some good points about the value of different professions.
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