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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show total world energy consumption and electricity generation for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
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 information about total world
energy
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 and
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 for
last
Linking Words
 year. After analysing the pie charts, it can be seen clearly that a negligible difference was seen
in
Change preposition
between
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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gas
energy
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 and
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
energy
Add an article
the energy
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consumption
Use synonyms
 of coal was 25.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased by 19.9
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. The
energy
Use synonyms
 usage of nuclear was 6.5
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 but
electricity
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 of it is 15.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Further
Linking Words
, the pie charts show that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the generation of oil was only 6.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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while
Linking Words
 the ratio of
energy
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 increased to 34.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. The
hydro fuel
Correct your spelling
hydrofuel
production
Use synonyms
 was 16.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 usage of it is only 2.2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. The percentage of combustible renewables and waste
energy
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 was 10.6
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
consumption
Use synonyms
 and
production
Use synonyms
 of fuel was coal and gas. Other resources
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 2.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of total world
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, consumption, electricity, production, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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