IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People should work a fixed number of hours per week and employers should not ask anybody to work extra hours. discuss both of views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is an ongoing debate over whether should people
work
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 a fixed number of
hours
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 per week or not. Some people claim that by working
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
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 amount of
time
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one
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 will manage
better
Correct article usage
a better
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work
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-life balance,
while
Linking Words
 others firmly assert that working extra
time
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 brings certain benefits and should be considered by employees.
This
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 essay will elucidate both sides of
this
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 argument and provide
a viable examples
Correct the article-noun agreement
viable examples
a viable example
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 based on my own knowledge or experience. On the
one
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 hand, diseases that
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 caused by stress are becoming more popular nowadays.
Stress related
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Stress-related
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 diseases are caused by many factors.
One
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 of them is poor
work
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-life balance. In today's fast-paced world, people tend to spend more
time
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 at
work
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 in the hope of a promotion.
Therefore
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, banning extra
work
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hours
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 will spare some
time
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 in
one
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's schedule.
For example
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, I used to
work
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 as a
psychologist
Replace the word
psychology
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 assistant during my summer vacation. Long
work
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hours
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 had a tremendous effect on my schedule, leaving me no
time
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 to socialize with my friends or play video games.
On the other hand
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, extra
hours
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 can provide
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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significantly more benefits than working base
hours
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.
Firstly
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, I think it is evident that by working extra
hours
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 individuals obtain higher salaries than normal employees.
For instance
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, in some countries like America or
Uzbekistan
Add a comma
Uzbekistan,
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 1 hour of extra
work
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 is equal to 3
hours
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 of regular
work
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.
Secondly
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, by working extra
hours
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 you gain more respect from the employers. Working longer in order to help accomplish the given task can surprise your boss pleasantly.
And
Correct word choice
As
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as a result
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,
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
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 can give
one
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 a raise or increase his wage. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay analyzed both sides of
this
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 debate.
Additionally
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,
this
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 essay provided viable information with examples that are based on
writer's
Correct article usage
the writer's
show examples
 knowledge.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your stance on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Connect your ideas better with linking words (like 'however', 'moreover', 'for example') to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Expand your examples to provide more detail and clarity; specific, vivid examples can strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively introduced the topic and presented both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Your real-life example as a psychologist assistant adds a personal touch to your essay.
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