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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of six types of work in employees and self-employed people by gender and job in manual and non-manual in Great Britain in 1997.

The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of six types of work in employees and self-employed people by gender and job in manual and non-manual in Great Britain in 1997.
The graph illustrates information about
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of six types of working
in
Change preposition
apply
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employees and self-
exployed
Correct your spelling
employed
 people by
gender
Use synonyms
 and job in manual and non-manual in Great Britain in 1997
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Managerial and professional
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 showed a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 during
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 stage,
while
Linking Words
 the Clerical or related
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 experienced a second high trend In detail, the Managerial and professional were 36% and respectively in 29% Female
gender
Use synonyms
 went up sharply through the period, reaching
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 second highest one in 1997
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
period In the meantime.
the Clerical
Correct your spelling
The clerical
show examples
 or related
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in 1997 climbed to 31% as the highest one in
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 section, and
then
Linking Words
 remained
other manual
Change the wording
another manual
other manuals
show examples
 until 27%
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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accounted
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
gradual increase
Change preposition
in as
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
a
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 thrilled proportion.
Linking Words
subsequently
Capitalize word
Subsequently
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, the other
non- manual
Correct your spelling
non-manual
show examples
 continued with
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
show examples
 rise to 9% in 1997 Moving on
General
Change preposition
to General
show examples
 labourers .in early 1997 . the 2% was the highest
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the Female
gender
Use synonyms
 it was almost high
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Male
Correct article usage
the Male
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gender
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it saw a steep fall to 1% recording
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 lowest percentage, compared to the Craft or similar.
subsequently
Linking Words
, there was a rise to 24% but in
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 it was still the second lowest
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
Correct your spelling
the
their
ther
Correct your spelling
the
 period

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "subsequently".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words gender with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • manual labor
  • non-manual labor
  • self-employed
  • employee
  • sector
  • Great Britain
  • gender disparity
  • dynamics
  • labor market
  • prevalence
  • trend
  • occupation
  • distribution
  • 1997
  • pie chart
  • workforce
  • analysis
  • contrast
  • comparison
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