IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe global trade is the best way for an economy to grow. However, others believe we should only produce and buy products made in our own country.

While
Linking Words
 some people argue that countries should open up their economies for global trade
otherwise
Linking Words
 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of following a closed
economy
Use synonyms
 concept. I personally believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic production and selling activities are crucial for the
economy
Use synonyms
 to prosper and grow.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives and explain why I support
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the latter. The supporters of the open
economy
Use synonyms
 argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trade with other markets will enhance the local
economy
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 importing the know-how from other markets.
The recent
Correct article usage
Recent
show examples
 studies show that
open
Add a hyphen
open-economy
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 countries have a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier
economy
Use synonyms
 compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
closed ones. The other reason why some people
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
open
Correct article usage
an open
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 is the availability of external funding
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local projects given the rising banks borrowing costs. One prime example is the Syrian
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 efforts and encouragement of external countries to rebuild the
economy
Use synonyms
post war
Add a hyphen
post-war
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the advocates for the closed
economy
Use synonyms
 believe the local industries will prosper
as a result
Linking Words
 of high local demand
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the absence of any external competition.
For example
Linking Words
,
Syrian
Correct article usage
the Syrian
show examples
 market before
war
Add an article
the war
show examples
 was one of the strongest economies because they
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 and
sell
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
 domestically.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, the closed
economy
Use synonyms
 will protect the current assets from any foreign control
as well as
Linking Words
 prevent the leakage of the technology outside the country.
For example
Linking Words
, the Chinese government put its hand on Venezuela's oil properties
as a result
Linking Words
 of
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 concept. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 an open
economy
Use synonyms
 offers opportunities for growth, I believe that prioritizing domestic production and consumption is essential for sustainable economic development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion about global trade versus local production.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples that directly support your main points to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to choose different words to express similar ideas for better variety.
content
You have presented both sides of the argument well, which shows a balanced view.
content
Your conclusion summarizes your main point effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: