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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the pie charts below show a comparisons of different kinds of energy production in france in two years

the pie charts below show a comparisons of different kinds of energy production in france in two years
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of five
sources
Use synonyms
 of
energy
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production
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 (coal,
gas
Use synonyms
, nuclear, petrol and other
sources
Use synonyms
) in France in two years (1995 and 2005).
Overall
Linking Words
, in both years coal and
gas
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 accounted for over half of all
energy
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production
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,
while
Linking Words
 the least
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 other
energy
Use synonyms
fources
Correct your spelling
sources
forces
. There was only a very minimal increase in
production
Use synonyms
 from
gas
Use synonyms
 and coal,
whereas
Linking Words
 nuclear and other
sources
Use synonyms
 almost doubled. Petrol was the only
energy
Use synonyms
 source to decrease over the period.
Energy
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 produced by coal comprised
of
Change preposition
apply
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29.80% in 1995 and by 2005, it increased by about 1% to 30.9%.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 generated by
gas
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 went up by approximately 1% from 29.63% in the first year to 30.1% by the final year. The use of nuclear power rose significantly from 6.40% in 1995 to 10.10% in 2005. Other
sources
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 of
energy
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production
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 accounted for 4.90% but
then
Linking Words
 climbed to 9.10%. Petrol,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, produced 29.27% of all
energy
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 in 1995 but 10 years later only 19.55% of
energy
Use synonyms
 came from
this
Linking Words
 source.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sources, energy, production, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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