IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
The pie charts demonstrate the percentage of income spent by residents of
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Malaysia on housing, transport, food, healthcare and other amenities during the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 a higher proportion of earnings was spent on housing and other services
whereas
Linking Words
 the minimum expenditure was done on healthcare by both nations. In terms of
Japan
Use synonyms
, the residents distributed 29% of their finances for accessing different goods and services
while
Linking Words
 expenses on accommodation and vehicles accounted for 21% and 20%, respectively. The Japanese utilised around one-fourth of their money on groceries and eatables.
However
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, citizens spent only 6% of their income on accessing medical services.
On the other hand
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, the percentage of expenses inculcated by Malaysians on housing and transport was half of the expenditure by families in
Japan
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, more than 50% of the income was disbursed on food and other facilities
while
Linking Words
 34% of the spending was spent on housing by residents of
Japan
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average spending
  • housing expenditures
  • transport costs
  • consumption habits
  • health care budget
  • goods and services
  • economic factors
  • cultural influences
  • urban vs rural spending
  • disposable income
  • financial priorities
  • significant discrepancies
  • budget allocation
  • grocery bills
  • comparative analysis
  • fiscal management
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