IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
The provided pie charts show the average spending in five different categories in Japan and Malaysia during 2010.
Overall
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, these categories are divided into housing, transport, food, health care, and others. It is remarkable that the highest proportion in Japan is goods and services,
while
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 in Malaysia is housing.
On the other hand
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, health care is the lowest amount in both countries. In 2010, Japan contained four sectors that had over 20%, which were others, food, house, and transportation at 29%, 24%, 21%, and 20%,
whereas
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 the hospital had only 6% of the average spending. Most figures were displayed for goods and services, but others stayed close to 5%.
Besides
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, residential households in Malaysia had the largest ratio of 34%.
Secondly
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, these two segments had an equal ratio of 27% and 26%, which were supplements and restaurants.
Lastly
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, transportation stayed in third at 10%,
while
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 health care spent the smallest amount at 3%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average spending
  • housing expenditures
  • transport costs
  • consumption habits
  • health care budget
  • goods and services
  • economic factors
  • cultural influences
  • urban vs rural spending
  • disposable income
  • financial priorities
  • significant discrepancies
  • budget allocation
  • grocery bills
  • comparative analysis
  • fiscal management
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