IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.

Work
Use synonyms
 stability has been argued widely recently.
While
Linking Words
 some people prefer
not
Add the particle
not to
show examples
 change their
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 place, others believe working in different organizations is more beneficial. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain why think it
isbetter
Correct your spelling
is better
 for employees to try different
work
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 environments. On the one hand, working in the same organization reduces the risk factor,
due to
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employees
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
show examples
awreness
Correct your spelling
awareness
of
work
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 environment challenges, which helps them
avoiding
Change the form of the verb
avoid
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 the
concequences
Correct your spelling
consequences
.
For example
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, doctors who have been working in a
spacific
Correct your spelling
specific
 hospital for more than ten years are more
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in dealing with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emergency cases because of their
fimiliarity
Correct your spelling
familiarity
 with the
obsticals
Correct your spelling
obstacles
 they might face.
However
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, I believe that
a
Correct article usage
apply
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detailed training in risk management is enough to educate people
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to manage when they meet
such
Linking Words
 un
expetcted
Correct your spelling
expected
 challenges.
On the other hand
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, working in
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of institutions
boarden
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broaden
 the
emplyees
Change noun form
emplyee's
emplyees'
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 experience and
enhace
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enhance
 their
adaptaion
Correct your spelling
adaptation
 skills.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
indivitduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 experience a wide range of
work
Use synonyms
requriments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 and
isuues
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issues
,they will be more able to adapt themselves to the new situation with its variables, which
also
Linking Words
 adds to their experiences.
For instance
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, project managers who worked in multiple companies are not only highly
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 in adapting
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different systems, but
also
Linking Words
showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 flexibility to accept changes and find solutions. In conclusion,
while
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 sticking to the same
work
Use synonyms
 for a long time could be
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 in terms of
avioding
Correct your spelling
avoiding
 risk, I still strongly believe that changing the
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 has more advantages, as it improves the
emplyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 experience and helps them to fit easier
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the systems.

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task achievement
The introduction needs to clearly state both views before presenting your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that highlights the main idea of that paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to make your ideas flow better between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You presented both views on the topic, which is a good way to approach the discussion.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate your points well.
coherence and cohesion
You have attempted to make a clear conclusion, summarizing your viewpoint.
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