IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

On a recent holiday you lost a valuable item. Fortunately, you have travel insurance to cover the cost of anything lost. Write a letter to the manager of your insurance company. In your letter •describe the item you lost •explain how you lost it •tell the insurance company what you would like them to do

Dear sir, I am writing
this
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 letter to describe
about
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my laptop that I lost
last
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 week on my holiday. It was the ASUS window 5 gadget which I bought
last
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 year on my birthday.
This
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 is in
a
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black
color
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colour
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 with the silver touch keyword.
Moreover
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,
last
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 week I was
doing travel
Verb problem
travelling
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 from Brampton to Montreal to attend my job interview. Meanwhile, I was using make presentations and search good material on the Internet.
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while
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During
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 my 6 hours journey I slept badly and put my laptop on beside me. I do not know
someone
Correct word choice
if someone
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 had stolen it or took off by mistake.
Furthermore
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, I want my new laptop within 7 to 8 days. It is my humble request because my online classes will start
from
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next week. It is totally impossible to attend them without my appliances.
Secondly
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, can you deliver now on 27 Beach
surf road
Correct your spelling
Surf Road
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, Brampton because I changed my residential place
.
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?
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 Hope you will help me. Thanks in advance Arsh

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use clear paragraphs, each with one main idea. This helps the reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Try to use a more formal tone in your letter, like 'Dear Manager' instead of 'Dear Sir'.
task achievement
Provide more details about the laptop, like its value or any accessories that were lost with it, to strengthen your claim.
task achievement
You clearly stated what was lost and provided background on the loss.
coherence and cohesion
You included a request for where to send the new laptop, which shows good planning.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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