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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The purpose of
this
Linking Words
 report is to provide information about the time using
phonecalls
Correct your spelling
phone calls
show examples
 in 3 different categories in Australia between 2001 and 2008. A brief overview is that national and international
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mobiles
Change the noun form
mobile
show examples
 calls saw significant
changes
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 local calls
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 observed
a
Fix the infinitive
to a
show examples
small
changes
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, despite being small
changes
Use synonyms
, local
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls were still the most popular.
This
Linking Words
 analysis will begin with the features which had big
changes
Use synonyms
. In relation to national and international
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls, the figures
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 consistently grown from 38 to 61
billion
Use synonyms
 calls by 2008.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the number of
mobiles
Change the noun form
mobile
show examples
 calls
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically increased from 2 to 46
billion
Use synonyms
 calls by the end of the period. Attention will now turn to the feature which had small
changes
Use synonyms
. In connection with local
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls, the number
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 category
was slightly went
Change the verb form
slightly went
show examples
 up from 72
billion
Use synonyms
 calls to 90
billion
Use synonyms
 calls in 4 years before having a drop to 72
billion
Use synonyms
 calls by the end of the timeframe.
Although
Linking Words
 the feature
had a drop
Wrong verb form
has dropped
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 years, the local
telephone
Use synonyms
 call
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 still the most popular phone call in Australia.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words changes, telephone, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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