IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. T1 Bar Charts - EducationT

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. T1 Bar Charts - EducationT
The bar chart
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 information about how many
men
Use synonyms
 and women
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 university studies
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 or part-time in Britain in three periods. After analyzing the bar chart, it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 1000
men
Use synonyms
 were enrolled in part-time
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, at the same time
near to
Correct your spelling
nearly
show examples
 800 female
students
Use synonyms
 were doing part-time studies. In the year 1980/81 there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 nearly identical numbers of
men
Use synonyms
 and women
students
Use synonyms
did
Correct pronoun usage
who did
show examples
 part-time
education
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, during the
last
Linking Words
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of female
students
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 higher
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 male, which was up
tp
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 1000 female pupils, making it
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 ratio of part-time female learners.
Further
Linking Words
, the bar chart shows that, during 1970/71 only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 of both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 did
further
Linking Words
 schooling, ( below 200
men
Use synonyms
 and women, respectively). In the next period, almost 200
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 did full-time
education
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased by 100
then
Linking Words
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
. In the final year, both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
, who did
full- time
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, during these three
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
, the female pupils were the highest in half-time
education
Use synonyms
 and they
also
Linking Words
 were
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 learners for full-time study.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, education, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: