IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important grand job satisfaction do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that jobs
whith
Correct your spelling
with
 higher salaries are much better than comfortable workplaces that offer less
money
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
However
Linking Words
, both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
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 offer reasonable
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
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 because with high financial incomes
people
Use synonyms
 can provide the best
life
Use synonyms
 for their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
, with jobs that
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 satisfying individuals can find a
life
Use synonyms
 balance.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a high salary requires more work and time
therefore
Linking Words
, you might become a workaholic and avoid family gatherings.
Additionally
Linking Words
, that will break the family bond.
However
Linking Words
, there are a lot of valuable insights
for instance
Linking Words
 with
money
Use synonyms
 individuals can be financially stable and can provide the best education for their children.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they can buy the latest version of devices and equipment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some jobs do not offer that much
money
Use synonyms
 but
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 it is
Correct article usage
an individuals
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individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 dream job
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
artists
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of their careers
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not receive income but they pursue it because they adore
this
Linking Words
 type of field.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 a study published by New York University said that job satisfaction is essential as it is less stressful and offers quality time with your loved ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 is a primary love language so
people
Use synonyms
 can use it for porpoises like a family vacation with their family members or to buy some gifts for friends. In conclusion, salary is essential with it
coming
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 to development and family. It can give
people
Use synonyms
 the opportunity to live
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 best
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a higher position is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
powerful and fulfilling it can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's success and the way they live
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with details.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Check for spelling and grammar mistakes. For example, 'whith' should be 'with' and 'porpoises' should be 'purposes'.
task achievement
You provide both sides of the argument, which shows understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is good for setting up the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
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