IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given bar chart indicates spend on housing,transport,food,health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010

The given bar chart indicates spend on housing,transport,food,health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010
The given bar chart indicates spending on housing,transport,food,
health
Use synonyms
care
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 and other goods and services in
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010. It can be clearly seen from the chart that in
Japan
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, people spent twice as much money on
health
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care
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 and transport as in inhabitants
Malaysia
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. In 2010,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 spent more money on other goods and services,
while
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Malaysian
Fix the agreement mistake
Malaysians
show examples
 spent the most on housing. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
Health
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care
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 and transport,
Japan
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 paid 6% and 20% respectively,
while
Linking Words
Malaysia
Use synonyms
expended
Verb problem
spent
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 3% on
health
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care
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 and 10% on transportation. Regarding other goods and services,compared to residents in
Japan
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 (29%),the data of
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysians
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 were lower at 26%.
Additionally
Linking Words
,a higher percentage of
Malaysia
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 (34%)
slurged
Correct your spelling
surged
splurged
 on housing than
Japan
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 (21%).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the food intake in
Malaysia
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 (27% ) was higher than
Use synonyms
Japan
Change preposition
in Japan
show examples
 which has a figure of 23%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, care, japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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