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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. Aruzhan

The line graph below gives information about the percentage of women aged 15-64 in employment between 2003 and 2009. Aruzhan
The line graph provides information about the employment proportion of women aged 15-64 between 2003 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the job application rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Iceland
Use synonyms
 fell down,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of females in the age group 15-64 in other countries
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the figure for
Iceland
Use synonyms
 was the highest proportion during the research. In 2003, 80% of
femme
Correct article usage
the femme
show examples
 population in
Iceland
Use synonyms
 had jobs, compared to about 70% in Canada.The percentage of employed ladies in
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 close to 60%
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 are higher than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Chile and Turkey
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
range
Correct article usage
the range
show examples
35
Change preposition
of 35
show examples
% and 20% respectively. After six years,
Iceland
Use synonyms
 saw a slight fall in the occupation rate of women in
this
Linking Words
 age group, to under 80%. And in Canada and Germany
show
Verb problem
there were
show examples
 insignificant rises in the figures by about 1% and 5% in turn.A similar rise was shown in Chile with about 40%.Despite of marginal fall in the first two
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 turkey went back to the beginning position in 2009.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words iceland with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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