Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programmes, and other leisure activities for children. How harmful, in your opinion, could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

this

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modern era, more and more parents are worried about their children. As they are playing extremely violent

games

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and

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shows. In

this

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essay, I will look into the problems, suggest some solutions and present my opinion.

Firstly

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, watching and playing violent

games

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can lead to stress and anxiety.

Moreover

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, excessive usage of these can be seen in their daily lives.

As a result

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, they will be scared to visit their friends.

For example

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, in India, many young people were playing a game called PUBGI it contained so much war,

killing

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and killing

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and a growing number of people were addicted.

Due to

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this

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, youngsters faced mental health issues and in some

cases

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cases,

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they lost their lives. To resolve

this

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issue families should monitor their laptops, phones and

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shows and minimise their use of time.

Secondly

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, schools play vital roles in learners' lives as they spend more than 6 hours in the institute. Teachers should educate them and provide knowledge and better understanding.

As a result

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, they may choose the right

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shows to watch and avoid playing harmful video

games

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For instance

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, in Japan, since childhood parents keep an eye on them and they are not allowed to use any electronic devices for a long time.

Moreover

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, they are focusing on different activities

such

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as football, basketball, running and swimming these all exercises keep them stronger. To tackle

this

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problem the government should introduce

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apply

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new

subjects

Correct the article-noun agreement

subject

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these changes will help young people's future and awareness to choose what is good or bad for them.

Furthermore

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, the government can ban harmful

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shows and video

games

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or add age limits.

To sum up

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, parents should monitor their children and their surroundings. Schools should spread awareness about harmful acts.

Moreover

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, the government should ban violent videos and

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shows.

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Jun 19, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence.

task achievement

Make sure every main point is fully explained and supported by examples.

language

Try to use a wider variety of vocabulary and sentences to make your essay more interesting.

content

You presented a clear opinion and aimed to discuss solutions to the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

300 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggression
mental health
social interactions
inappropriate behavior
monitor
age-appropriate
educational institutions
critical thinking
stricter regulations
content ratings
enforce
alternative leisure activities
impact
exposure

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