IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Teenagers nowadays spend too much time on playing video games. Describe the effects on teenagers, families and society. Report the measures to solve the problem.

It is argued that in recent days, teens have spent a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on PlayStation, which causes them to spend
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 minutes with their
families
Use synonyms
. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, teens can play only on the weekends and only for
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
 amount of
time
Use synonyms
. On one hand, there is a significant problem in many
families
Use synonyms
: teenagers prefer to spend all their
time
Use synonyms
 on the PlayStation.
This
Linking Words
 leads to them spending very little
time
Use synonyms
 with their
families
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 habit affects their ability to focus during class when the teacher is explaining lessons, ultimately impacting their academic performance, There is an impact on eyesight when they spend all their
time
Use synonyms
 playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey in China found that 50% of students who play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 excessively have very low academic results. To address
this
Linking Words
 issue,
families
Use synonyms
 should be firm with their
children
Use synonyms
 by establishing rules at home.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 only on weekends and for a limited amount of
time
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, parents should educate their
children
Use synonyms
 about the potential dangers associated with
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, give them a gift if they try to reduce their usage.
For example
Linking Words
, in Japan, there are a lot of students
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are improve
Change the verb form
are improving
are improved
show examples
 in their studies because they spend all their
time
Use synonyms
 studying and they try to reduce playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are many disadvantages to PlayStation, and we must encourage our
children
Use synonyms
 to reduce their gameplay and focus on school. We should
also
Linking Words
 reward them when they decrease their usage.

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task achievement
Make sure to explain your ideas more clearly and in detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraphs to help your ideas flow better from one to another.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
positive
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive effects
  • Physical inactivity
  • Video game addiction
  • Social impairment
  • Communication breakdown
  • Financial strain
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Academic performance
  • Cultural norms
  • Parental control
  • Time management
  • Alternative hobbies
  • Support groups
  • Counseling services
  • Balanced lifestyle
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