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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts show the proportion of four kinds of vehicles used in the UK in 1965, 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The three pie charts show the proportion of four kinds of vehicles used in the UK in 1965, 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
These three pie graphs illustrate the amount of four kinds of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 used in the UK in
40 years
Correct your spelling
40-year
 periods,they are private
cars
Use synonyms
,public transport,
lorries
Use synonyms
 and other commercial
vehicles
Use synonyms
,
recreational
Correct word choice
and recreational
show examples
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 private
cars
Use synonyms
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 the most important role
though
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the period,
while
Linking Words
 the use of recreational
vehicles
Use synonyms
 remained the lowest. Over time, the use of private
cars
Use synonyms
 increased steadily.
However
Linking Words
,the proportion of
lorries
Use synonyms
 and commercial
vehicles
Use synonyms
 declined significantly. In 1965, private
cars
Use synonyms
 made up 40% of all
vehicles
Use synonyms
, followed by public transport at 25%, and
lorries
Use synonyms
 and commercial
vehicles
Use synonyms
 at 20%. Recreational
vehicles
Use synonyms
 accounted for the smallest proportion at 15%. In 1985,the amount of private
cars
Use synonyms
 had risen to 55%.On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
,both public transportation and
lorries
Use synonyms
 and other commercial
vehicles
Use synonyms
 each at 20%,
while
Linking Words
 recreational
vehicles
Use synonyms
 saw a sharp decrease to only 5%. In 2005,the trend continued, with private
cars
Use synonyms
 increasing
further
Linking Words
 to 60%. Public transport
also
Linking Words
 experienced a slight rise to 22%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of
lorries
Use synonyms
 and commercial
vehicles
Use synonyms
 fell to 10%. Recreational
vehicles
Use synonyms
 saw a short recovery, making up 8% of the total.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words vehicles, cars, lorries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion
  • Dominant
  • Fluctuations
  • Noticeable increase
  • Significantly decreased
  • Consistent rise
  • Continuous decline
  • Varied trends
  • Data illustrates
  • Common vehicle type
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